Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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