We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Only a mothe r could love this liver
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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