This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
