The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
There's always time for handjobs
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Randomize