barbara walters just said penis...
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
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