I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
