Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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