I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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