Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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