would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
