You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
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