Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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