I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
