So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
They are going to name an STD after you.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
