I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Randomize
