Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
it was like eating out sand paper
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
