I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
