you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
