Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
