I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
