i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
