census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I fill condoms, not promises.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
