I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize