dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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