My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
