That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
