My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
