oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
