I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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