We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
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