Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
