Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
