I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I'm bleeding and have questions
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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