How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
