Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize