thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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