You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
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