i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I lost the right to judge tonight
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
