I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
