I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize