dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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