He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
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