I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize