Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Randomize
