I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
