So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
