i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
