i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize