I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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