TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
