I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
