He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
