my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
