she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
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