You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
