she woke up with a sticky ear
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
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