TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
