census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
