You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
