I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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