Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
