I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
