AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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