new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
