I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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