But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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