I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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