she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
