...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
