Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
