I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Randomize
