allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
