Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
