i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
