Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
