brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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