I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
