I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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