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I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
