Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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