...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
