someone threw a dead crab at me
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
