why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
