Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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