so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
