your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
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