The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
