Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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