I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
