Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
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