I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize