I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
