I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
