Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
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