like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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