god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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