then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Randomize
